Feb. 7, 2008

At 5:08 a.m., CST, I did four searches on Google.

Serius
satellite radio
satellite
satellite X-M

Every search was blocked. I got this: sorry.

Google Error

We're sorry... ... but your query looks similar to automated requests from a computer virus or spyware application. To protect our users, we can't process your request right now.

We'll restore your access as quickly as possible, so try again soon. In the meantime, if you suspect that your computer or network has been infected, you might want to run a virus checker or spyware remover to make sure that your systems are free of viruses and other spurious software.

If you're continually receiving this error, you may be able to resolve the problem by deleting your Google cookie and revisiting Google. For browser-specific instructions, please consult your browser's online support center.

We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope we'll see you again on Google.

Note this statement from this "sorry" post: If you're continually receiving this error, you may be able to resolve the problem by deleting your Google cookie and revisiting Google.

Google offers the technicians' universal solution. "We've got a problem. It's all your fault. Fix it."

Techies are generally communications idiots. Really. They are. They think "everyone knows how to do this." Hardly anyone knows how. Never tell a person to alter a computer setting without telling him how. Provide a click-through to a page that offers instructions -- yes, even for more than one browser. A YouTube screencast is called for. Google owns YouTube and Google Video. You might think that a Google employee would understand the power of a screencast. But no. He tells us to use a procedure in some unidentified help list.

Why would a senior manager assign the task of writing the "Bug off, bozo" page to some kid with no marketing experience and no ability to present a good image to users? I have a suggestion: because the whole outfit is run by techies. It's techies all the way up.

Fortunately, I have a program on my computer that deletes the Google cookie with one click: G-Zapper. It used to be freeware. It's $30 these days, but you can download a trial version.

So, I deleted the Google cookie. This is bad for Google's marketing strategy. It can't track me now. It must start over.

The search worked for 30 minutes. Then I got this when searching for "Mike Bolser."

This is Google's core business, and it has a major flaw. It requires you to type in a code to do every search. The code letters are in giggling teenage girl's diary cutesy cursive. Sometimes I cannot read them.

Everything screams to competitors: "Come and get us." Google has 50% of the market. Soon, it will be 40%. Companies must fight for market share. Google is coasting on its laurels.

If I owned Google stock, I would sell it.

Oops. Sorry. Too late. From 750 to 500 in just three months.

Google Error

We're sorry... ... but your investment looks similar to a dot-com investment in mid-2000. To protect your investment, sell short. We can't process your request right now.

We'll restore performance as quickly as possible, so buy again soon. In the meantime, if you suspect that your investment return has been infected, you might want to run a P/E checker or dog stocks remover to make sure that your portfolio is free of companies filled technicians without solutions and other spurious employees.

If you're continually receiving this notice, you may be able to resolve the problem by firing the financial advisor who put you into Google in the first place. For advisor-removal specific instructions, please consult your CPA.

We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope we'll see you again on Google.