Trophy wives are ornaments for husbands. Men marry them because they want to be high-visibility winners among other men. "He is a winner. He got her." They also hope for this reaction: "I didn't get a trophy wife. I'm not a winner."
A trophy wife is a status good: limited availability, heavy demand.
Spectacularly good looking women are tempted early to seek out a trophy husband. "He is applauded by a crowd. If he selects me, I'm a winner. Other women will notice." It's basically the reflection phenomenon: bright sun, full moon.
Each uses the other as a status good. Each gains validation from the other. The impulse starts no later than puberty.
This is the foundation of marriages between quarterbacks and pom-pom girls.
I see this as co-dependence.
BLUE RIBBON WIVES
Then there is the blue ribbon wife. Blue ribbon status is not physically visible. It is earned over time. As with all value, it is subjectively imputed by others. It is based on superior performance under difficult conditions. It is imputed by men and women.
There are not many blue ribbon husbands. For men, superior performance under difficult conditions is rare. Men are expected to earn a decent living, avoid adultery, avoid scandals, stay sober most of the time, pay occasional attention to their children, and not gain more than 30 pounds after marriage. To get rich, famous, or powerful takes lots of time. So, the man who seeks any of these must place most of the burden of raising the children on his wife. This turns her into a blue ribbon wife if she is successful. It doesn't make him a blue ribbon husband. He can become a trophy husband, but not a blue ribbon husband.
Blue ribbon wives are willing to back up their husbands in sickness and health -- his or hers -- and in wealth and poverty.
An example of a blue ribbon wife is the wife of a missionary or a physician who spends his life and hers in some primitive society, serving others. She doesn't complain. She gains a good reputation among those whom she serves and also among the wives back home.
Another example is a wife who has five children of her own, and then adopts three more, possibly suffering from physical or mental deficiencies.
A blue ribbon wife advises wisely, but does not complain when her husband does the opposite. She also keeps quiet when what her husband decides to do leads to a major setback. Outsiders probably cannot recognize these incidents unless the husband repeatedly falls flat in full public view.
A wife who meekly submits is a white ribbon wife or maybe a red ribbon wife if her husband is a well-known jerk. Blue ribbons are reserved for wives who speak their minds and then put up quietly with the consequences of being ignored.
The trouble is, nobody knows who is likely to become a blue ribbon wife. A trophy wife candidate is easily seen. That's the whole point of being an ornament. A blue ribbon is earned through imputation over years. It is based on repeat performances in varying settings. Trophy wives fade; blue ribbon wives emerge.
I have known a few trophy wives who became blue ribbon wives. Their looks were genetic; their character was developed. Statistically, such women are exceedingly rare. So are the men who marry them.
It is not common for a trophy wife candidate to marry a reliable man. A #9 or #10 woman is unapproachable in the eyes of most men. No man less than an 8 will ask her out unless he is way too experienced and ten years older -- a high-risk candidate. This limits the supply of available men. A wise knockout will go out of her way to identify a reliable man, based on his character and work ethic, and then approach him. She must initiate the relationship; he will not. She must show interest in what he does or plans to achieve in life. Such a woman has the makings of a blue ribbon wife. She sees herself as a servant. She seeks out another servant. As I said, trophy blue ribbon wives are rare.
If you married a blue ribbon wife, let her know that you know. Don't wait for your 50th wedding anniversary to tell her. If you neglect this, others will impute blue ribbon status to her because you are perceived as something of a doofus, moving her red ribbon status to blue.
Men want trophy wives. They want imputed status from men. They ought to pursue blue ribbon candidates. They should seek out opportunities for superior performance that are unlikely to be rewarded by money, power, or fame. They need blue ribbon wives to back them up.
I call this co-dependency.
Then what is the difference between trophy status and blue ribbon status? Both are based on co-dependency. Both are based on imputed status.
Co-dependency is an aspect of the division of labor. It leads to the specialization of functions. It is basic to increased productivity.
Trophy partners do not mutually reinforce each others' output. They reinforce each others' reputation. This has to do with imputation of value.
STANDARDS OF IMPUTATION
The key factor is the moral judgment of those doing the imputing. If they are swayed by money, power, or fame, and a woman wants their approval, she will be tempted to seek out a trophy mate. The price is to become an ornament. If the imputers are impressed with trophy women as validation of social success, a man will be tempted to seek out a trophy mate.
To young men I say this: if the men around you have poor judgment, marrying a blue ribbon wife is a long shot.
To young women, I say this: if the women around you are impressed with money, power, and fame, marrying a reliable man is a long-shot, let alone a blue ribbon candidate.
CONCLUSIONS
The ideal ranking for women is #7. If a #10 or a #9 man asks her for a date, he is interested because he sees something in her beyond her looks -- a good sign. He could date a #8-10. A #8 or a #7 male will see himself as eligible to date a #7. He may get up the courage to ask her out. A #6 may have the courage to ask her out, but only once if she says no. A #5 will not. But he may be the heir to a fortune. She should show some interest. Marrying him won't offer a lot of blue ribbon opportunities for superior performance under difficult conditions, but the money may compensate. Not everyone can be a blue ribbon wife, and a debt-free estate in the Hamptons would certainly help take the sting out of a red ribbon.
So, here are my recommended criteria for marriage:
Similar view of God
Similar view of service
Similar credit score: www.CreditScoreDating.com
© 2022 GaryNorth.com, Inc., 2005-2021 All Rights Reserved. Reproduction without permission prohibited.