Earlier today, I posted my article, which was a satirical piece, dealing with the mass murder of 17 students in Florida. You can read it here: https://www.garynorth.com/public/17737.cfm.
My goal for the piece was simple. I wanted to show what was already all over the mainstream media, namely, the call for Donald Trump to ban guns somehow. I wanted to show why their arguments should not be taken seriously. The knee-jerk response of the gun controllers was automatic -- not even semi-automatic. For an example from the New York Post, click here. But the following is far, far worse. These moral vultures attacked the father of one of the slain students because he was wearing a Trump T-shirt. Their posts are here. I have utter contempt for them.
These critics of gun ownership are not really serious about mass murders. They use these mass murders as polemical weapons against those of us who believe in the right to keep and bear arms. Millions of gun-control advocates are far more worried about my Constitutional right to own a gun than they are about murderers who gun down innocent children. They are hypocrites to the core.
I figured I would use a little satire as an indirect way to point out the hypocrisy of gun controllers.
Incredibly, there are people who read my article who then sent me emails telling me that I was wrong because I said that there had been no mass murders in private schools. They all mentioned the same incident: the 2006 mass murder of students at an Amish school called Nickel Mines.
This is my response. I am sending a copy of it to all of the critics. Instead of keeping it private communication, I thought I would share it. There is a fundamental theological and moral principle at stake. I figure I might as well make it public.
I keep getting emails from people telling me about the mass murder at the Amish school, Nickel Mines. Nobody has yet mentioned what is obvious: the Amish are pacifists, and they refuse on principle to defend their children with weapons.
I do not believe in pacifism. I surely don’t believe in pacifism in the name of Christianity. I also believe in the Second Amendment: the Constitutional right to keep and bear arms. I believe you can lawfully shoot a person who invades your house at night. That is because the book of Exodus specifically teaches this. “If a thief be found breaking up, and be smitten that he die, there shall no blood be shed for him” (Ex. 22:4). If a thief at night can legitimately be killed by a homeowner, surely a parent has the right to hire an armed guard who is paid to gun down a man who enters a school armed with a rifle or any other weapon and threatens violence with it. I don't think the invader should be given a warning. I don't think somebody should fire a warning shot. I don't think somebody should try to shoot the gun out of his hand, the way the Lone Ranger did on television. I follow the handgun tactic taught to me by combat handgun instructor Col. Jeff Cooper: "two in the chest, one in the head, in three seconds, maximum." Two seconds is better.
That’s my view of defending children against murderers. This is also the Bible's view. But the Amish don’t believe it. They think the rest of us are morally wrong and not adhering to Christian principles. I have a word for this theological opinion, but I don't put it on a family-based site.
My article did not mention Nickel Mines. How was I to write satire about Nickel Mines and the Amish parents who would not hire armed guards to defend their children . . . on principle? Was I supposed to remind readers that these people will not defend their own children from murderers? No, I skipped that, because I was writing satire. I know of no way to use satire when it comes to the Nickel Mines School. There is nothing remotely funny about it.
In my article, I made it clear what the proper approach is: hire armed guards. I offered this satirical advertisement for a private security service school: “We pack. Kids learn.” But the Amish will not hire armed guards to defend their children or yours from mass murderers.
I did not mention the following in the article. I think teachers should be armed. Teachers in every school should carry pistols or revolvers – their choice. If the school will not hire a professional security service to do this, then the teachers ought to do it. If they are not willing to do this, they should not be hired. If they are already on the payroll, they should be fired if they refuse.
So, let’s get it straight: Amish schools are vulnerable to murderers. They will always be vulnerable to murderers. The Amish depend 100% on us English, as they call us, to protect them and their children from violent people. They say that God protects them, but in fact we protect them because we bear arms, or else we hire armed guards. We are willing to lay down our lives for their children. They are not willing to lay down their lives for their own children, let alone ours. So, yes, in my humor piece, I skipped over Nickel Mines, but it is an exception that is based on the Amish principle of not defending their children with guns if required. I don’t think it counts as an example against the rest of us for being unwilling to defend our children.
So, let me qualify my original essay: there have been no mass murders in non-Amish private schools.
My former employer, Leonard E. Read, who headed of the Foundation for Economic Education, told me 45 years ago that there will always be readers who will not be able to recognize that something is satirical or humorous. He said he never wrote either humorous or satirical essays for this reason. Until today, I did not realize the extent to which Read's observation was accurate. I have learned my lesson.
Don't get me wrong. I intend to write satire whenever I think it will do any good. But I will know for sure that there really are people out there who will think my piece of satire is a serious analytical piece. They don't understand satire. They don't appreciate satire. I must face the fact that my satirical pieces will not do any good with them.
I don't intend to worry about this. Life is too short, and opportunities for effective satire are just too rare. I don't want to miss them.
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