Time to Write a Joint Bucket List
Oct. 5, 2009
The 50th high school reunion is the last hurrah institutionally in the United States. No other final meeting will attract as many people from a person's generation.
There is nothing like your 50th high school reunion to remind you that the clock is ticking.
The committee posted the photos of the known deceased. Some have been gone for 25 years. Others have been gone less than a year. But the reality is clear: the list will grow.
The men were all unrecognizable. So were most of the women. There were a few exceptions, however. Time had not run over all of us to the same degree. A couple of men looked more distinguished. I hated to see them.
The reunion committee had supplied name tags with the senior year photos. That was a reminder of time gone by. We could see the before-after contrast. The contrast was considerable. Grim.
At the hotel where I stayed the first night another 50th reunion was scheduled. A friend of mine from the American Legion's Boys State program had been student body president there. I would have liked to walk over to see him, but he died of heart disease several years ago. He had been a great football player. That was a reminder, too. The clock is ticking.
At the Sunday brunch, I sat with three people. One I had known well; the other I had known fairly well; the third hardly at all. One of them remarked that she had drawn up her bucket list. That term comes from a movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Two men meet in a hospital. Both are terminal. They draw up a list of things to do before they die. They agree to do the things on the list together. It is better to share the events on the list.
My list has always been books written and educational materials produced. It is a long list. It will take good health and a functioning mind for me to do all of it. It will take at least a decade, I forecast.
My model is F. A. Hayek, the Nobel-Prize economist. I interviewed him in 1985 in Austria. He was 86. He had just finished the manuscript for his magnum opus: the capstone book of his career. It is a fine book: The Fatal Conceit. Another example for me is Jacques Barzun's book, From Dawn to Decadence. It appeared in 2000. It footnoted articles that he had written in the late 1930's.
I have never sat down with my wife to discuss what should be on the joint list. That is a mistake. So, my next project will be a joint project: drawing up our joint list. The list is much more relevant when it's a joint list.
I hope it won't involve much travel. But if it does, I'll just try to get Wi-Fi Internet connections.
One of the other people at the table at brunch was my old competitor in public speaking. She was a real challenge then. She got better over the years. She spent a career in education. Her husband of 40 years had developed a successful business. Then he died in 2003. Six months later, the business went under through no fault of hers. It was shut down by the authorities. Unbenownst to her husband, there had been a crook inside the firm who had cheated the city and, indirectly, the U.S. government. She lost her retirement nest egg and spent three years paying lawyers. She now works in a small book store.
That, too, reminded me: procrastination kills. The unexpected can strike at any time.
At every 50th reunion, there are stories like these. The people at every table should pay attention to these stories.
The stories tend not to come out at the main evening event. This one came out because I scheduled time with the woman in question because she had asked me a question the night before. The question referred to an ancient event: a speech I had given: my campaign speech for student body president. She asked about the result: how I felt after I had won. I had not thought about that in 50 years. I had no good answer, It came to me the next morning. So did a stream of other issues. I wanted to talk to her about her own experiences. That led to a productive few hours.
Out of all the discussion, I decided that it is time to sit down with my wife and make that bucket list.
I suggest that you do the same. The sooner you get it written down, the better. The clock is ticking. The exercise will help you and your spouse focus on what is really important.
The list of your deceased classmates is growing, year by year. You will be on it eventually. Get the high-priority items scratched off the list while you still can.