Nov. 15, 2010
This was posted on a forum.
Why don't you write an article about these young women sometime? Or good young women in general. There are many young men in my generation who have never seen a good marriage in person.
Solomon had a lot to say about a good woman: Song of Solomon. Read it.
He had more to say in Proverbs 31. Read it.
He offered a warning: "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house." He said it twice.
The Proverbs 30 woman is the model. She works long hours. She shops for bargains. She invests in real estate. She has her own money. The woman under her authority love her -- a real test.
A woman should imitate this model. A man should look for a woman like this.
But young women do not have this experience. So, here are substitutes.
1. Faithfulness to those above her (parents)
2. Kindness to those below her (siblings)
3. No debt
4. Bargain hunter
5. Savings
6. Hard worker
7. Not hooked on leisure
8. Familiarity with what real estate costs
9. Familiarity with the time value of money (interest costs)
Everyone should know and accept Dr. House's law of marriage: "Nobody marries more than one good-looks number above or below him/her." If you're a 6, don't expect an 8. Settle for a 5.
A good woman is a self-reliant woman. She knows the score: Prince Charming is on Medicare. Her peers aren't Prince Charming.
She knows that a self-confident man has a lot of sexual experience. She avoids dating such a man, unless he is a widower or divorced because his wife was adulterous. These sorts of men have young children. It's a package deal.
Even the best young woman has doubts about marrying a younger man. This is really stupid, but it is universal. She will not outlive him by as much. Women may not plan to be widows, but they should.
If I were 25, I would go after a woman 28. A good-looking 28-year-old is getting worried. She might consider me. (If a man is willing to marry up three years, he may even get someone two looks numbers higher than he is.)
I know a 31-year-old, debt-free conservative activist, theologically rigorous, #8.5 in looks, who has an M.A., a good job, and wants to get married. Where will she find an unmarried man just like her?
I know several of the same caliber. Something is wrong culturally.
Catholic scholar Leon Podles reports:
The rapid feminization of the main line religious community in America has been going on for some time. The most exact figures for the ratio of women to men in religious denominations in the United States come from the 1936 census, the last governmental tally of religious affiliation: in Eastern Orthodoxy, .75-.99 to one; Roman Catholics, 1.09 to one; Lutherans, 1.04-1.23 to one; Mennonites, 1.44-1.16 to one; Friends, 1.40 to one; Methodists, 1.33-1.47 to one; Baptists, 1.35 to one; Assembly of God, 1.71 to one; Pentecostals, 1.71-2.09 to one; and Christian Scientists, 3.19 to one. The range among the other denominations follow the pattern, with the charismatic churches having a higher proportion of women. But all except the Eastern Orthodox had a majority of women in their membership.
This is reality. Church-attending families have to live with it. This is another reason to have more than two children. Not all of them will marry, at least not inside the church. Mixed marriages start off at a disadvantage. I don't recommend this.
Then there is the personal website. Every unmarried adult needs one. It should include the following:
1. A professional photo that looks like a snapshot
2. Book reviews
3. Major projects completed, with description
4. Major projects not yet completed
5. Movie reviews
6. Funny things that have happened recently
7. Favorite jokes
8. Major meetings attended
9. A report on the local real estate market
10. Links to favorite sites
11. A link to the "calling" website
The calling website is just that: a site devoted to the most important thing you can do in which you would be most difficult to replace. This site defines you. If a prospective spouse thinks, "That's not for me," you have saved yourself a lot of grief.
The two most important universal aspects of marriage are these: trust and respect. Where either one departs, the marriage is in trouble. If both depart, it's as good as finished.
A sense of humor is third.
The triumvirate of all political life are marginal: money, sex, and power.
As for the hormone thing, remember these rules.
1. Sex is for marriage.
2. Sex doesn't take care of itself.
3. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it makes pretty darned good.
4. Late-night talk shows are not aphrodisiacs.
The other rules are marginal.
Note: If I could provide a sure-fire "how to marry the right person" strategy, I would sell it for $295, get 50 testimonials, make it onto Oprah, and retire.
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