How I Would Deal With a Bully If I Were in Middle School Again
April 14, 2012
On a forum, the issue of bullying came up. A lot of boys get bullied. It happens mainly in middle school.
Girls are worse, but they don't use fists usually. They use talk. Awful.
From time to time, we read of a student who commits suicide because of bullying. It can be a serious problem, as a Google search reveals.
We rarely read of private schools with serious bullying problems, other than military academies and hazing. (The role model here is West Point, which has had hazing for 200 years, despite intermittent attempts to control it.) No one in the media ever asks why. It is because government funding subsidizes bullies.
Teachers say they can't control it. Administrators say the same, but promise to form a committee to look into it.
Bullying is a way of life in public schools. It always has been. That was the theme of Back to the Future. The vice principal sounded tough, but Biff was never expelled. Biff was in control, not the vice principal. Why was that? Because of public school finance.
The public schools have always coddled bullies and sacrificed the interests of victims. Why? Because they are paid to. The state pays local districts for enrolled kids. Expelling bullies reduces school districts' income. Administrators know the victims will stay in school, because their parents care more about their net income than their own children's peace of mind. The only way out is private school or home schooling. Parents will pressure the victim to stay in school, assuming that it's all part of growing up. It is part of growing up where there are tax-funded schools and compulsory attendance laws.
So, administrators do a cost-benefit analysis. Add to this the threat of lawsuits from bullies' parents. It's clear who the losers will be: victims. Administrators coddle bullies. Bullies know they are immune from an early age.
If a bully were expelled, his parents would be in a jam. They would have to find a private school to take him. But administrators do what they can not to expel them. They want the money from the state. Except for Joe Clark, the principal of an inner city New Jersey school that was about to lose its accreditation, mass expulsions are unheard of. Hollywood made a movie about Clark: Lean on Me.
MY STRATEGY
Here is what I would do if I were a kid in junior high facing a bully who really could beat me up. I would begin with this premise: I am in trouble. I can choose which pain is preferable: being bullied or resisting the system. I think it's preferable to resist the system.
Every system can be resisted. The trick is to find ways to inflict so much pain on the person running the system that he does things your way. It takes pain to resist pain. The person who is willing to bear more pain is in control. of the situation.
I would take control. I would accept one kind of pain rather than submit to the bully.
I would go to my parents and ask them to go to the principal and tell them to stop the bully. If they did, and this failed -- it would surely fail -- I would ask them to put me in a private school or let me learn at home. If they gave me the old line about standing up for myself, I would know that they are putting their finances before my peace of mind. So, I would do what they said. I would stand up for myself.
I would ditch school. Every day, I would show up. Then I would walk home as soon as I got a chance. No school can monitor every gate. If both parents worked, I would walk home. After a week, the principal would call my parents. "Where has your son been?" I would tell them that I walked home. They would tell me to go back. I would tell them I am standing up for myself. I would be, too -- against obviously corrupt authorities who are putting money above justice: parents and school authorities.
My parents might ground me. So? They might take away my TV privileges. So? I would read at home when they were at work. The school's authorities would eventually expel me. At that point, my mother would have to quit work to stay with me at home. She would have to home school me. That would be fine.
They would have to budget for the lost income. That is what adults have to do.
If somehow forced to stay in school, I would stop performing. I would flunk every test. I would simply not cooperate. And, every time I saw an opening, I would walk home.
The school might call the cops. Fine with me. The bully won't mess with me when a cop is with me. I would tell that to the cop. I would tell the whole story to the cop.
Then I would post a video of my story on YouTube. Maybe it would go viral. I would name the school and the principal, city and state. I would not name the bully. No use making him mad enough to come looking for me at home. He's my problem. I want a solution.
I would email local reporters. I would send the link.
Maybe my parents would get it taken down. Then I would go to a friend's house. Kids all have YouTube access. I would post a new version.
If my parents complained to me about my resistance to authority, I would explain that I am standing up for myself.
How would they break me? By beating me? I would say only this: "Now you're the bullies." That would be true. Guilt would take over. Theirs. They would stop.
This was Gandhi's strategy. This was Saul Alinsky's strategy. Every system can be broken by either following the rules to the letter or else by breaking them and accepting the consequences.
I plan to produce a YouTube video explaining my strategy. If some victim is out there who is close to suicide, maybe he or she will adopt my strategy instead.